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Battle isn’t the issue. Our incapacity or unwillingness to cope with it’s. Right now, the stakes are excessive and conversations are sometimes below the microscope, and leaders are extra cautious than ever about saying the flawed factor. Consequently, avoidance has change into the go-to technique. However as Harvard’s Senior Fellow Bob Bordone explains, avoiding battle doesn’t protect relationships, it quietly erodes them over time.
If you happen to’ve ever stayed silent to “maintain the peace,” dodged a tricky dialog with a staff member, or let small frustrations construct till they exploded, you understand how draining avoidance could be.
On this episode of Future Prepared Management, we’ll flip the script on battle with insights from Bob Bordone, and discover how it may be a robust device for connection, belief, and staff efficiency.
Take heed to the episode right here on Apple Podcast & depart a assessment!
Why We Get Battle Incorrect
Battle usually will get lumped into the “dangerous” class. We’ve been conditioned to suppose it’s an indication of dysfunction or bother. However Bob reframes it as a chance for deeper understanding. He calls avoidance the “sluggish kill” of significant relationships. Small points left unaddressed don’t fade; they fester, creating distance, distrust, and misplaced alternatives for development.
Some of the eye-opening elements of our dialog was his 5F mannequin of battle responses: struggle, flight, freeze, fawn, or fester. Each chief, and each staff member, has a default mode. Recognizing yours (and people of the individuals round you) can fully change the best way you strategy disagreements.
Turning Battle Into Connection
Going through battle is just not about charging into each disagreement with full power. In line with Bob Bordone, it’s about studying when and the best way to have interaction, and when it’s higher to let go. For instance, training with low-stakes conditions—like sending again a flawed meal order—can construct you the arrogance you could deal with greater, high-stakes conversations later.
One other key thought is to “go meta” when coping with avoidant individuals. As an alternative of confronting the rapid subject, you speak in regards to the sample of how conflicts are dealt with in your relationship. This creates house for honesty with out placing the opposite individual immediately on the defensive.
Take heed to the episode right here on Apple Podcast & depart a assessment!
Sensible Methods Leaders Can Use Now
Battle resilience isn’t a field you verify, it’s a talent you retain constructing. Right here’s the best way to begin:
- Determine your battle profile. Understanding whether or not you are inclined to struggle, flee, freeze, fawn, or fester helps you reply deliberately as a substitute of reactively.
- Distinguish between discomfort and hurt. Wholesome battle will really feel uncomfortable, however that’s totally different from conditions that trigger actual hurt or re-traumatization—understanding the distinction helps you resolve when to interact.
- Create a “conflict-resilient greenhouse.” That is Bordone’s various to the often-misused idea of psychological security. It’s not about avoiding offense in any respect prices, however fostering a tradition the place individuals can disagree respectfully.
- Use permission language like “be raggedy.” Giving your self and others permission to talk imperfectly encourages trustworthy dialogue as a substitute of guarded silence.
- Lead with grace, not censorship. Errors will occur in dialog; extending grace retains studying and belief alive, whereas hyper-policing language shuts each down.
Why This Issues Now Extra Than Ever
Workplaces have gotten extra numerous, extra distributed, and extra high-pressure. Leaders who grasp battle resilience acquire an edge—not simply in resolving disagreements, however in constructing stronger groups, fostering innovation, and deepening belief.
As Bordone reminds us, ready for the “excellent” second to deal with powerful points is a shedding technique. The suitable time to follow is now, beginning with small moments that construct your talent and confidence.
If you happen to’ve ever struggled with when to talk up, the best way to deal with tense conversations, or the best way to create a tradition the place wholesome debate thrives, this episode is for you.
Take heed to the complete dialog with Bob Bordone beneath and uncover the best way to deal with conflicts with out shedding your cool, your relationships, or your job.
